the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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