Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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