I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
