How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When did angry sex become our thing?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i now understand why vodka
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
