Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
