just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
