waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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