I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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