your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
