my mouth tastes like poor choices
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
