it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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