What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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