I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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