My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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