i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
