You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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