I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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