I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
