Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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