is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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