TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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