you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
