Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
