Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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