I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
