im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
