She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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