Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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