My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
