I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
