Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
