I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
