omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
