How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
