Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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