I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
