i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
