Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i came on her dog
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
