My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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