we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
