...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
