idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
