I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
