so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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