I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
