Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
