My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
