so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
