Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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