you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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